The moody artist - a stereotype?

Sometimes Clancy will ask me why I love him. He can be so moody, he is afraid these moods will eventually push me away and I will grow bored of him.

I just smile, how could I possibly grow bored of the most original person I have ever met?

“That terrible mood of depression of whether it's any good or not is what is known as The Artist's Reward.”

Ernest Hemingway

I remember when we were first dating we watched Ed Norris in Pollock. I wondered as I watched if I could be an artist’s wife. Would Clancy lock himself in a room for days on end, would he become a man I barely recognized in the end? Is this why he wanted me to watch the movie?

Did he want to make sure I was prepared for the life of an artist’s wife?

“It is only too true that a lot of artists are mentally ill- it's a life which, to put it mildly, makes one an outsider. I'm all right when I completely immerse myself in work, but I'll always remain half crazy.”

Vincent van Gogh

In the end I think the lesson he wanted to share was more about helping me appreciate art. The work of Jackson Pollock, in my naivety about art represented in my then opinion what was bad about the art world. I saw his work only as someone that was famous for throwing paint on a canvas. There was no skill in what I saw.

It is fine to not appreciate an artist’s work, but I think what Clancy wanted me to learn was that I needed to understand what I was seeing before I made my decision. There was skill, it was a good lesson.

Mostly I just thought about the crazy artist and how much his wife loved and supported him. I was prepared to support the mad artist that locked himself in his room.

Fortunately it worked out much better than that, he rarely locks himself in a room for long periods of time. And when he is in his room, he will always offer me a corner to sit in to share a cup of coffee as he works.

I even paint sometimes, OK, paint is strong, I think of it more as in colouring in. Clancy will draw something for me on a canvas then I fill it in with paint.

“Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.”

Henry Ward Beecher

The reality is that as much as I hate stereotyping I have met a lot of creative people and many do have similar qualities; they are sensitive, smart, imaginative and moody, they are passionate about their work and self critical all at the same time.

He is unconventional, and curious about everything. He can be temperamental and experience a range of emotions, he is emotionally reactive. And I cherish him all the more for it.

He, like many creative people prefers to spend his time alone. He is remarkably gentle, kind, and generous, sometimes I think the world is too overwhelming for him. Too loud.

He constantly compares himself to other artists, I often wonder if all artists do this? I cannot imagine the stress of working in a field full of so many talented individuals and constantly comparing myself to their work. Do all artists do this or just painters?

I remember the first time I went through the process of him applying for a show, waiting for weeks to be judged by a jury of strangers that will see thousands of other artists work.

“Every time an artist dies, part of the vision of mankind passes with him.”

Benjamin Franklin

Finally, the notice arrvies and if they do not accept him I know it has the power to destroy him for weeks on end and fill him full of so much self doubt I worry he will not pick up the paint brush again.

But he does, he has too, there is no choice after all because even if some days he cannot say it as loud as other days ... he is an artist.

Diana